Thursday, August 21, 2008

Mommy and Abel

Let's see if you can go here with me. I'm not sure if this is something every mom feels or if I'm just a weirdo. So many times I look at Abel and have a smidge of disbelief that this is really my kid. Really? Am I a parent? This baby is all mine to raise and love? It happened again tonight. I had him in my arms and felt strangely like I didn't recognize him because of the craziness that this could all be real.

That is usually followed by the strangeness that when Abel looks at me, he has no doubts about reality. I'm his mommy and that's all he's known. Rob and I are his security. He wouldn't even think of us as security because his whole world is a rock of stability. He is more sure of my mommihood than I am.

Does this stop, or do you go through their whole lives being amazed that these are your kids, no kidding?

Sunday, August 17, 2008

A Word

I realized today that I have a struggle with possession. For me, this doesn't display itself with material things It's more in the intangible stuff like position or relationships. I'm most "content" when it's mine and mine only. That was a strange realization this morning.

To that God told me, "Yours, I am yours. There's so much that you desire, seek and strive for, but it's all only a reflection. And the idea that it's the best is a lie. I will show you what is true, honorable, worthy of reverence, just, pure, lovely, loveable, kind, winsome, gracious, and worthy of praise."

It's hard to understand why that long list of good things is better than the things I strive for. But, that is the truth, and the happiness that comes with possession, for example, is a momentary reflection. When it's brought too far, a lie.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Little Leah

Rob and I got to go to Michigan last week to visit some of Rob's family. As an added bonus, we visited Hudsonville, where I spent 5 years of my childhood. Almost nothing has changed except for everything shrinking, of course. Funny how that happens, huh? For some strange reason, being there made me really appreciate my parents and the rich childhood they gave us. Love you guys!

This is where I spent kindergarten though second grade. To you this is just a normal old wall. But, I remember waiting there every morning for my best friend, Amanda Boreson. If she didn't show up, I'd fake sick and go home. What's the use in staying at school with no best friend?

These doors stood for the end of recess. I have vivid memories of the bell ringing and everyone on the playground screaming at the top of their lungs and charging for this small opening. We would all crowd and squish until we finally made it through to the hallway.

My dad took me on a date here once. All I know is that I felt like I was out of my territory. I guess I'm a sensitive one. Also, I ordered chili with the little octagon crackers.

All around our church were these window crevice things. Real midwesterners probably have a better name for them; just bear with me. My sister and I would hide in these deep caves and our imaginations would run wild. I had a feeling that they wouldn't be so immense this time around.

I know this looks like a gutter of some sort, but to us it was a creek. I loved it. I remember when I fell in and my sister got in trouble. It may have only been 6 inches deep, but I got some good sympathy out of it. I was wearing a cream shirt and we went to McDonald's afterward. Just let me be random.