A Monument

I realized something amazing today. Whenever I try to do something good for God, it will never ever work. Let me explain:

As I learn new things about being a Christian or as I hear about ways that other amazing Christians serve God, it always makes me want to do more for him and do incredible selfless things for him. I know my salvation is free with no works on my part. Still, in response to this great gift, I want to please him and give back. But, I fail almost every time. Or, I'll look like I succeed on the outside, but inside my heart's not in it and it ends up being just an action.

Does this happen to you?

Or, I'll read about some way that I should be living out my life for God. I'll want to. But, I know myself too well. I know that despite my extreme desire to follow through with this inspiration, I won't really have the courage to step out in this new way.

This has frustrated me and brought me to tears many times in the last 6 years or so. But, I keep trying because still I want so desperately to please God and do something for his kingdom. And, again I fail.

I'm reading this book called The Normal Christian Life by Watchman Nee. In one chapter he talks about this very struggle that I just explained. He's talking about Romans 7, about being free from the Law and yet the struggle that still remains. Remember the verse, "I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do-this I keep on doing." Yeah, I've read that a million times before. I always can relate, but I still keep on trying.

I learned today that this 6-year long struggle of mine is meant to bring me to the point of desperation. I'm supposed to finally realize that I'm powerless to do any of the good that I've been trying to do. Nee says that when we try to do something good for God, we put ourselves under the law. Instead, I need to stop trying to do good things....really, really stop trying and let God do the good things for me and through me. But, I just plain have to stop trying! 'Cause it won't work anyway, dangit!

Grace means that God does something for me; law means that I do something for God. Grace-good; Law-not good.

Woohoo!!!!! I'm going to try this. Actually, I'm going to stop trying and get out from underneath the law. I'm going to see if God will start to work through me like I've always wanted to do myself.

Love...

Meet Mark & Karen. I've been working on their pictures today, and completely enjoyed myself. I love the look engraved on the faces of a newly married couple. I could stare at that expression all day.

Miracles

You dance over me, when I am unaware. You sing all around. But I never hear the sound. Lord, I'm amazed by you. You paint the morning sky...With miracles in mind. My hope will always stand, for you hold me in your hand. Lord I'm amazed by you.

That's one of my favorite worship songs. Tonight, as I prepare for church, I have a dance in my toes and a miracle painted across the sky for me. I'm excited and expectant for God to cause a rumble in our church. As he paints the evening sky tonight...maybe he has miracles ready for us. I'm on the look-out.

Look at the sky he showed me tonight.

Happy Valentine's Day

This year Rob is in charge. He thought it would be fun to do a photoshoot of ourselves. He was right. It was a ton of fun. Oh, if you need an amazing pizza place, ask us...we found one tonight.

Speaking of demons...

(First, read my previous post)

I don't know if it's theologically correct that our worship makes demons want to flee. But, why not? It makes sense to me. I'm sure they don't enjoy it, so at the very least it bugs them.

In that way I see our worship on Sunday in yet another light. Definitely worship is first for God. He deserves it, deserves more of it, and it's even good for us to realize again who the focus should be on. But, now I see it as twofold. It's a ministry too, a ministry to the people around us who are being pestered, being distracted, or being told lies by demons.

When we're in church, truly focusing on God, and giving him as much glory as we're able, maybe...just maybe, that's helping our brothers and sisters out. Could our pure worship cause those demons to flee? I think so...or at least we can bug 'em and make them feel really unwelcome.

Hmmm...

I had a weird emotion today.

I heard a story about this guy who got to see the effect that worship has on demons. This story portrayed worship being like torture to demons, making them want to flee. My weird emotion was kinda feeling bad for demons. I mean, they used to be angels with God in heaven, got a taste, made an eternally bad decision, and now they're screwed forever.

I'm not saying God made the wrong decision - not that kind of feeling bad. Just that they have no hope. Sure, they have little triumphs here and there when they keep someone from coming to Christ, but ultimately they know their time is limited. There's no light at the end of the tunnel for them.

But, that doesn't mean I'm giving them any mercy! Just realizing their fate, that's all.

My gorgeous sister